fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
