Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
