if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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