Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
i think i just lost a toe
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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