if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
