just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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