i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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