WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
