White coat. Heels.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
