Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
