that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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