Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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