where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Randomize
