I was born with a shot glass in my hand
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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