I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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