In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
