So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Randomize
