He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
