I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
