You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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