good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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