there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
