do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
