Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Please don't give away my fajitas
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
