Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
