I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
