i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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