the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
