Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
