eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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