I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Randomize
