I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
