i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
We left the knife in your bed.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
