my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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