So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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