i will never coherently bang her
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
