handjob tips. give me some.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
