Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
