he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
