never play flip cup with pint glasses
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
