I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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