this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
