Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Randomize
