somebody snuck up and got me drunk
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
