Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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