you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
My ass is underappreciated
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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