I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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