I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
