This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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