So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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